Monday, February 21, 2011

Shopping and Pregnancy

I really dislike about half of my wardrobe. And I know that I have no one to blame but myself, but it is a result of the following combination: Having a crappy cubicle-type (no actual cubicles since we are a renewable energy company) that means that no one important really sees me yet I can't wear what I want either, having a hard time finding clothes that fit my thin-ish yet curvy and long-torso body, and simply finding clothes that I like in my price range. My husband constantly gives me the go-ahead to spend as much as I need to find things, but that is my problem - finding them. So of course now that I am in early pregnancy limbo, I am finding tons of cute clothes that I think would work well on me.

I tend to lean towards vintage-inspired clothing (I say inspired because I have a devil of a time finding actual vintage that fits my body), especially the in rockabilly/mod/California casual vein. I am an equal opportunity shopper, shopping at thrift/vintage/eBay stores, Target and all the way up to more high end stores. Yesterday Rob and I stopped at the Park Meadows Mall on the way to his parents house and had the first "successful" trip to a mall in a long time. Well, so to speak, since I didn't buy anything. But I could have, and that my friends, is a success in my mind.

I saw some cute stuff at J Crew, Anthropologie, and Guess and unfortunately none of it seemed like a good idea to buy with an expanding waistline on the horizon. Managing my feelings about that is a whole separate issue, but I almost wish I would just hurry up and get big so I have an idea of what I will be able to wear over the next 6 months. Even though on one hand I have a feeling it will be torture to be pregnant during the Colorado summer, I am thinking that at least I will be able to wear a lot of sundresses and sandals and I can just skip the whole trying to find pants and shirts that fit thing.

This was one of my favorites at Anthro and the stretchy back panel and high waist (that is a high waist on me, trust me) almost convinced me (wishful thinking!) that I could pull it off pregnant (at least for a few more months). But then I realized that my pre-baby chest would probably be on the large size for that dress and pregnancy boobs would be down right scandalous. And I don't want to get too many cute (and fairly pricey) dresses in large sizes that won't work post baby. That is what Forever 21 is for, right? Oh well. Jeans, camis, and cardigans will have to continue to work for now.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Highs and Lows. More Highs. Higher highs, even.

So the last prompt I needed to write about my highs and lows for the month. February is only half over, but I do my share of highs and lows. I will start with the lows so I can end on a happy note.

Lows:

1. It is only February (meaning Spring is no where close)
2. My insurance company is making my life difficult with their idea of "medically necessary" differing from my own ideas.
3. My laptop ran out of space thanks to my proclivity towards taking large quantities of really large file pictures, right when I really needed to upload another 450 pictures before a class.

So all in all, not a bad month so far.

And now moving on, my highs:

1. This past week has brought really nice weather, which has done tons for my mood.
2. I had a very nice Valentine's day (and at some point, although I no longer remember the exact day, marked 5 years that Rob and I have been together).
3. Last night we had a fun time re-connecting a couple that we have known for a long time but had sort of lost touch with (I met them 5 years ago, when Rob and I started dating. Rob has known Brenna his entire life and her boyfriend since they started dating, 8 years ago).
4. I had the chance to talk to Kyle for a few hours on Sunday. That and the nice weather made me think about the good old days, when we worked together at Sun and took frequent breaks to walk around the campus.
5. Rob and I heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time yesterday.

So okay, actually an awesome month. Now that I am almost officially out of the first trimester, Rob and I feel okay to start spreading the news: We are going to have a baby in a short 6 months!

We've known since before Christmas and have already had two ultrasounds, so even though I am not quite 13 weeks, we feel like it has already been forever. We keep thinking that at some point time is going to start moving ultra fast, but that hasn't happened yet.

I've been lucky, with minimal symptoms beyond some moodiness and fatigue. I haven't enjoyed food as much as I usually do, but I haven't had the nausea that a lot of women suffer through. Which for someone who has the levels of anxiety that I do, has actually been difficult at times. I ask Rob nearly everyday, "I don't feel pregnant, do you think everything is okay with the baby?" And he responds, "Don't worry, you are acting pregnant."

Yesterday served as more confirmation: My little baby has a healthy heartbeat and is doing just fine. My due date is August 29th, which is a few weeks after Rob and I celebrate 3 years of marriage. We are more excited and happy and in love than we ever really thought possible. Our families are both over the moon and this baby is coming at a time when a happy distraction is appreciated on both sides. We decided to tell our parents and siblings on Christmas, so we wrapped up a pair of infant socks and gave it to each set (separately) as just another gift. I can't even begin to describe the look on each of their faces as the reality of what they were looking at set in. Not only is it our first child, but this baby is the first of a new generation for both of our families. I am the oldest of 9 cousins, and Rob is the first out of his sister and cousins to be married and have a baby on the way, so this baby is highly anticipated.

So thanks for letting me share that. I don't plan on my pregnancy to be my whole life, but I do feel much more at ease now that I can share detail of my life with everyone at will.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Mortimer

My Valentine's was less than romantic - I worked my normal 10 hour day and then went to a 3 hour class. That, plus some other things I have going on, means that I had approximately one hour of wakefullness by the time I got home. I had (in typical fashion) already given Rob his present (a bottle of Irish Whiskey) and wasn't expecting much, maybe some flowers.

Not that Rob doesn't give awesome gifts, because he does. Nearly all of my high-quality, expensive, or super girly possestions are a gift from Rob (Chanel #5, Trophy Queen, MAC, not to mention my Nikon D5000). But this year we knew that it was going to be low-key and low-expectations.

My sister and I carpool from school on Mondays and she came in for a few minutes after we got to my house. Rob watched intently as I walked into the kitchen and back into the living room (twice). I didn't see anything. No gift bags, no flowers, no card. I was slightly surprised, but no big deal. Finally my sister left and the first words out of Rob's mouth were "Did you see your present?"

Confused, I walked back into the kitchen, and this is what I saw: Mortimer the beta fish(I think he looks like a Morty. Don't know why).



Rob said that he almost bought parakeets, but decided that a fish might be more appropriate, given some upcoming changes. Plus, Czara always has a hungry look in her eyes when she sees birds... I guess that would be the bird-dog in her.

Rob had also planned to cook a nice dinner, but lost track of time so we ended up having sandwiches and cooked our Valentine's meal on Tuesday instead.

I love my little fishie. I think it was a very cute and unique V-Day gift, and I couldn't have been more happy.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Goals for the next month

I am surely but slowly finishing up my 30 items, and the next one on the list is my goals for the next month. The main goal I have is to do what I always say I want to do. Simple, huh.

I really want to get in a better routine of working out because I have been so tired lately. One of the best ways for me to feel energized is to be active. Unfortunately between the weather and my extreme fatigue these past few weeks, it has been difficult.

I also want to get back in the habit of meal planning. I love to cook but lately I just haven't been feeling it. Food has lost its appeal and I aim to change that. My husband has been very good about this, not complaining while he makes his ramen for the third time in a week, but I know that we would both prefer to get back to eating regular meals.

Another goal is to move forward with a several business ideas that I have. First, Rob and I are trying to work out the details of a business with our good friends, Ellen and Jorge. I have a lot of faith in this and am excited to see where it could go. I also have dreams of an Etsy shop and maybe some vendor booths at some of the fairs this summer. I've talked to my friend Kyle and my mother about joining forces but now I really need to work hard to make it happen.

And last but not least, I need to figure out what to do with my unfinished back yard. This definitely needs to happen by March so that we are prepared to act before Colorado's other hellacious weather setting kicks in: extreme heat (accompanied by unrelenting sun). Which I love, but not for doing yard work.

My back yard is small and shouldn't be this big of a problem, but it is. No sprinklers and no desire to put them in when I am 87.9% sod would be a bad idea with the dogs anyway. About 50% of the yard is already rock, and I would like to avoid making it 100% rock. So what do we do? Our dogs can be a little... wild, so we have our grass and garden in the front. I see a lot of landscaping stalking in my future. :)

The good news is that today I am feeling inspired for the first time in a while. Maybe it is the promise of clear skies and highs in the 50s, or maybe it's me finally getting adjusted to some of the changes in my life, but either way, I am feeling pretty confident about acheiving these goals.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

VLV Post

I'm trying hard not to begrudge everyone else's excitement for VLV 14. You know, because I'm not going, so how dare anyone else be excited for it this year. The outrage!

I kid. Mostly.

I am not* going for a few reasons including the following: 1. A Minnesota trip in June, 2. A desperate need to finish the landscaping at my house, and 3. Rob and I both need to save our vacation for the most awesome thing ever, coming this August.

My friend Ellen was looking through some videos on youtube last night and came across one that included a shot of her and me, so I thought I would post it here as my own tribute to VLVs past. We are at 2:20, toward the end. This was not my most spectacular outfit of the event, but I wanted to spend most of the car show taking pictures, not being in them. Kind of strange to see since the angle doesn't include hardly any of my tattoos and I am not used to looking so...plain. Anyway, this quick video brought back memories of good friends and good times.

Oh, and of sunshine. I really miss that sort of thing...



*most likely not going. Never say never, although since the hotel is already sold out it is looking less and less likely.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Something I am missing

Between the weather and boredom, I am currently missing California something fierce. My family, our friends, beaches, Disneyland... yeah, it's been 3 months since our last trip, time for another (I wish!).

Second to that, I am missing summer. I hate, hate, hate snow and this time of year is always rough on me. I love the summer, the fall, and by the time December rolls around I am ready for the novelty of a snowstorm or two. About half way through January I find myself in a horrible mood that doesn't usually abate until oh, June. Because it can snow in Colorado until oh, May.

Notice how I skipped spring. Coloradans claim to experience 4 seasons, but spring tends to be either an extension of winter or an early taste summer (usually both at once), so it doesn't count. Maybe I am being a little harsh, but it's hard to be optimistic when I'm staring out the window at blindingly white ice and snow and watching the temperature drop before my eyes.

Okay, that is enough complaining. Time to go to my happy place. :)

A problem that I have had

I've been semi-avoiding the internet again, I suck. I have been sick, cold (Artic weather in Colorado, how nice), and just feeling blah lately. And between 10 hour days at work in front of a computer, a digital photography class and an online math class, a smart phone, a husband with a smart phone, and no desire to leave my house in the cold weather resulting in TV or internet browsing, I am so over technology (but not run-on sentences)! I would really love to have a big tropical drink on a warm beach somewhere, but that's not happening any time soon.

So back to my 30 days of prompts. I believe I left off at "A problem that you have had." Aside from my whining listed above, I've had other problems. I have the problem of being stuck in a job that I can't stand for medical insurance (because my husband works in a "high-risk" industry). I have the problem of insufficient blood circulation so that I am chronically cold and my body parts fall asleep every 20 minutes. I also have a problem with the fact that MTV remade Skins. WTF, the originally series was amazing. Why cheapen it with crappy actors and plot changes?

But perhaps the biggest problem I have is my problem with anxiety. The kind of generalized anxiety that at best is in the back of my mind at all times. A lot of people don't understand, including my husband. He tries to be supportive, but after a while hearing that I don't have any reason to worry stops being effective. I'm not really a fan of medication so that is not an option right now, and while exercise helps, it doesn't take these bad feelings away. I'm am just so tired of feeling consumed by worry. And I am happy. I genuinely like my life. But yet, the worries come.

My strategy lately has been to avoid stressors, but that isn't helpful when I feel stressed about bills, work, or school. It's not debilitating, I manage to get by, but I still wish I could just relax just a little more often.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The kind of person that I am attracted to

I am assuming that attraction in this case is non-sexual. So that being said, I am attracted to people that have depth and integrity, that are forgiving and understanding and down to earth. I cannot stand people who are self-absorbed, judgmental, or elitist. I also try to avoid users and one-uppers. Or mean. Plainly put, mean people suck.