On my happiest, most carefree days, my anxiety level is about a 6 out of a 10. So on the average day I am usually an 8. I have a really good poker face when it comes to this sort of thing. It's an unintentional but natural skill after years of fighting back panic attacks and nervous tears. Of course I have learned to deal with my anxiety several pleasant ways. Obsessive negative thoughts about my weight is one way I have gone in the past, although these days it's more of just annoying self-depreciating comments in front of Rob so he can exasperatedly refute my claims and calm my nerves. Another big one is just to store all the nervous energy in my muscles. Lately I have woken up so sore for no reason other than I am tense all night long. I drift off to sleep grinding my teeth, and wake up feeling like I have been in a bar fight. I think I am starting to realize that denial, while very powerful indeed, is not exactly the same as a release. So no more excuses, I need to get on an exercise plan, and quickly. I always feel better and more relaxed after physical activity. I don't want this situation to get any worse and I fear the hormones coming my way. Although I do need to say that I think I have been pretty rational up until this point. Only a few hormonal outbursts. :) Seriously. People doubted me, but I'm being a totally chill pregnant lady.
And on to a completely different topic... Rob has been cooking dinner once a week (he never cooked until I starting making him) and it has been really good. So I need to acknowledge that. So far he has made kabobs and rice; hamburgers with fried eggs on top; chicken, roasted fingerling potatoes, and steamed artichokes; and spaghetti with his own sauce. I have been in the kitchen with him the whole time for support and questions, but I have let him do all of the menu planning, flavoring, and work, and I think that we are both happy with how naturally it is coming to him. He loves to point out how great of a husband he is, and I can't deny that. In fact last night, while his sauce was simmering, he was helping me pick out maternity clothes online. All after an extremely long day at work. So yay Rob!