Monday, August 29, 2011

40 Weeks

Today is my due date. Still no baby. According to the doctor, there is some progress (1 cm dilated, 70% effaced, but they still dropped the "I" word on me. I'll go back on Friday for some tests (unless I go into labor on my own before then), then probably schedule the induction for sometime next week.

I really would like to avoid any unnecessary medical intervention, so I'm trying to stay positive that labor is just around the corner. I have to admit that I am a little humbled by this. I assumed that since my pregnancy was so easy and my body handled it so well, that I would have a quick and easy labor somewhere around the 38 week mark. No such luck. On a semi-related side note, every time I start a self-dialogue about how cute I look in a particular outfit or how great of a hair day I am having, I walk into a wall or some nonsense. I guess this is the maternity version of that...

Still feeling great, and the baby is doing well, so I still consider myself very lucky. The anxiety is about to kill us, but nothing can be done about that. Like Rob said, it went from "oh, this is exciting, when will the baby be here?!" to "Seriously, when will the baby be here?!" in the past week. Keep in mind that we found out I was pregnant on December 18th, 2010. I think I have been patient long enough! Today I'm at work, but I'm thinking about telecommuting the rest of the week. Or at least tomorrow. If one more person points out that I haven't had my baby yet, I may just cry.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Living Room

Our house is always a work in progress. We are always moving furniture around, rearranging, and re-imagining our small house. I took a few snapshots the other day of our living room, trying to imagine what will change once we have a baby's need to consider. Of course small modifications have already been made, because seriously, work in progress. Always.

Also I included a picture of my diaper bag because, well, I love it and I haven't been able to use it yet.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Baby Update

No baby yet. Or rather no baby outside of my body yet. I think I am making it the full 40 weeks (my due date is 8/29). Sigh. At least I have had an easy pregnancy...

We still don't know if the little baby is a boy or a girl, still don't have a boy's name picked out, and of course have no clue what the kid looks like. That part is really fun to imagine.

Since I have hazel eyes and Rob's are blue, our child should end up with either green or blue eyes. Red hair runs in both of our families (obviously a little stronger in my case), so we could likely have a little redhead. I think that would be amazing, especially if we end up with a little girl. Rob started out as a towhead but his hair gradually faded to brown over the years, so anything is possible there. Below are the younger versions of us. I can't wait to see what traits the baby gets from each of us! Going through both of our baby pictures, I think it is a safe assumption that the kid will have Marlon Brando-type jowels. Good thing that is a cute look on a baby!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Still pregnant. Still working. Trying to remain positive.

I'm a quasi-government employee. I think I have mentioned that before, but if not, yep, it's true. While it is a little more complex than this, tax dollars pay my bills.

"Quasi" means that we are funded by a federal agency, the Department of Energy. Funded by, but not employees of. NREL is managed by another company (another several actually) and truth be told, NREL is a facility and technically no one evens work for NREL, just at NREL. Makes sense, right? Anyway, what quasi-government really means is that we have to follow all the rules without getting all of the perks. And when federal budget cuts are looming, we are definitely on the chopping block. I should say that we could be on the chopping block. We just don't know what the future looks like, but of course we are optimistic.

That being said, it looks like I am going on leave at a bad time. I work in the HRIS/Comp function and the fall is always busy. This fall may be bringing special considerations and difficulties which is leaving me a little ambivalent. I am actaully quite happy to be missing out on stressful and difficult months, but I really am a little unsure about what I will walk back into when I get back. As much as I would like to say I won't think of work while I am out, I tend to have a hard time letting that sort of thing go.

On the other hand, I am so happy to have time off in the fall. Fall is probably my favorite season in Colorado. I love summers, but CO summers are so unpredicatable. Actually, all weather is unpredicatable in Colorado. Fall is nice because there usually isn't the extreme temps we can get the rest of the year, and usually the snow won't start until late October or later. Plus, pumpkins! And this year, babies in pumpkins!

I am thinking that I will be starting back at work sometime in early November, which will give me all of September and October with the baby. So for that reason, I am okay with the fact that the baby isn't here yet. Every day that he or she waits is another day I get to spend with my baby in my favorite season.

Yeah, this post doesn't make so much sense. But this is the random trail of thoughts that were bouncing through my head today. Mantras...I will not stress about work. I will not stress about work. I will enjoy my baby and my time off with said baby. I will not worry that because my baby was not two weeks early my baby will be two weeks late.

We have been trying to fill our time up. Work obviously takes a large portion of both our days. Aside from that we've gone out to dinner, met up with friends, and generally tried to relax. This weekend we are going to eat at our favorite breakfast place, go see an IMAX movie at the museum, and maybe even make it to the pool if the weather cooperates. Hopefully we can get a little more cleaning done (car detail, cleaning the carpets where the dogs spend most of their day, hang up some pictures in our back room). Otherwise I'm sure we will be nervous wrecks. Each day gets a little hard to deal with the anticipation and I'm not sure how much more we can take!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Feeling sorry for myself

I am feeling sorry for myself today. I'm hoping to snap out of it later, but for now I am just wallowing in it.

My fish died some time last night. He was looking a little sick, and my husband reassured me that no, there would be nothing a vet would do for a sick beta fish. I cried last night and again this morning. Thankfully Rob took care of everything so I didn't have to see him like that. A little silly of me perhaps, but I really loved Mortimer. He always seemed so happy to see us and he was such a pretty little guy. I'm not sure what happened, but we are fairly sure that it was nothing that we did, which makes me feel a little better.

It didn't help that we had some behavioral issues with our dogs this weekend. I guess they didn't get the memo that now is NOT the time to be causing problems.

Also, still no baby. Which means yes, still working. And the rest of my family is doing their annual quasi-family reunion in California this week. I should be laying by the pool right now. Or laying in the hospital with a baby in my arms. At this point, I would take either happily.

Oh, and Rob woke up in the middle of the night last night because a spider crawled across him. So of course I didn't sleep at all after that. Just because the spider in question had been killed didn't mean that his entire family wasn't just under the bed, plotting a retaliation attack.

A few bright spots in my mood: I bought Adobe Creative Suite, so I can finally learn photoshop, I won an a giveaway this weekend, and my best friend Kyle has had some fun baby shopping at Elvis Week. Now if I could just produce the baby I would gladly get over myself...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


I used to think that I was getting wiser and more patient in my old age as a function of just growing up. This afternoon the truth hit me - it is all about my job. I think the main requirement of working in the low end of high tech is to be patient.

Meetings that accomplish nothing? Check.

Long conversations with bullheaded IT techs? Yep.

Poorly designed databases and technical difficulties at precisely the wrong times? Oh yeah.

Explaining things so many times over that you know the question that is going to be asked by the look in their eye? You know it, baby.

Remaining calm and pleasant even when dealing with people who have double your salary and half your understanding of the systems? Down pat.

It's definitely the job. Hopefully that will transfer over to parenting, because lord knows if I can stay calm under my working conditions, there is no excuse for me to ever lose my cool again.

Week 37

I'm nearing the finish line and even though my pregnancy experience has been pretty terrific, I am more than ready to be done. It really is amazing how I don't even think about how different it feels anymore. I used to be freaked out by every movement in my abdomen, and now the baby's entire elbow can be poking out my side and all I do is giggle and rub the little limb like it's no big deal. After we moved the baby's bookcase into the nursery, I was really hesitant to put things on the bottom shelf. In my head I was thinking about how hard it would be to reach all the way down there... it took a few minutes for me to realize that I used to be able to reach the floor and likely will be able to do so again, some day in the not so distant future!

Anyway, we are ready. Bags packed, nursery 75% done (which is really more than enough considering the baby will be in our room at first anyway), and we are also about 85% done with deep cleaning of the house. Walls, baseboards, blinds, all clean. Birthing class completed last weekend. Which, I should add, was a very good experience. I felt pretty prepared on my own, thanks to the mommyblog trolling I do, but it was nice to have an actual doula reaffirm the whole process. I was the only one in the class who wanted a natural childbirth, although I got the sense that I was the only one who had taken the time to really explore my options either. The doula and Rob and I had a few "offline" conversations that made me really consider switching to a midwife, even this far along, but I think that I will just focus on that for the next go round.

In the last week I have been able to tell that my body is getting ready too. The baby has seemed to drop a bit and I have been experiencing more (painless) contractions, along with some cramping. I don't feel that labor is right around the corner, but it doesn't seem so far off either. Another week or two would be just fine with me. :)

All that being said, I think I will miss some parts of being pregnant. I'm sure I will miss the little movements that put a smile on my face throughout the day. I know I will miss seeing Rob lay next to my stomach and dream out loud of what they baby will be like. Obviously there will be greater reward in meeting my child and bringing him or her home, but I am going to try to really appreciate these last few weeks.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


Yesterday Rob and I celebrated three years of marriage. It was a quiet celebration since we already have so much going on, but it didn't go by completely unnoticed. We exchanged a few small gifts, and I got roses, which are always appreciated. I could go on for hours about all the reasons why I love Rob and why we work together so well, but I will spare you all that squishiness and just say that we "get" each other. Marriage is hard, but always worth it and we can't wait to see what new happiness comes our way this next year.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Blogging Buddies

I wrote a (very long!) post for Windshield Diaries and it is up today. Head over there if you are interested in reading more about my dogs.

Thanks Crystal!

Rough Week

The last week has been a little rough. I have a cold, which has been sucking the life out of me. I can't take any medications for it, so aside from vitamin C every morning, there hasn't been much for me to do.

I went home early on Monday, then had one the most embarrassing moments yet as a pregnant woman. I stopped at Whole Foods on my way home (2 or 2:30) because I am a bad pregnant woman and hadn't had anything to eat yet that day. I grab a few items (cream, shallots, sparkling water) and headed out to my car. I had one large paper bag on one arm, and my purse on the other. I was wearing flip-flops (not the most sensible choice, but the easiest given the 1/2 size increase my feet have recently gone through). All of the sudden, I felt myself falling. I tried to catch myself, but can't quite regain my balance. This went on for what seemed like forever until finally, I fell hard. It was terrible. I was somewhere between laughing and crying and some guy rushes over and asks if I need help. I rambled on about "no balance today," and "yes, I will accept help but only because I'm pregnant and can't get up otherwise"... I don't think he understood a word of what I said but he helped me up and as soon as he saw just how pregnant I was, all he could say was "Wow." I grabbed my stuff, rushed to my car, and burst into tears.

I don't know why it upset me so much, but it did. I fell and skinned my knee while pregnant in front of a crowd. So what? But I couldn't stop crying. I called Rob and he felt very badly for me, which helped. What didn't help was that he then went on to criticize my shoe choice, but I guess he was right, so I can't fault him there.

Yesterday I left work early too with the intent to finish up a few things at home and then taking the afternoon off. I went straight home, hopped on my laptop, and then the slow connection made it so that it was 5pm before I finished up (Normal off time is around 6 to 6:30). An hour is an hour though, so I used that time to nap. Which of course meant that by the time I wanted to go to bed for the night at 11pm, I couldn't fall asleep. And Rob felt bad for me this morning, being sick and pregnant and all, and so didn't wake me up when he got up. I had to get ready in about 15 minutes, still was late, still am sick, and still am tired. It's a vicious circle. I've had a great pregnancy, but I really feel like it's time to move on to the next phase. Hear me, baby? I'm ready when you are...

Some random pictures from my phone, mostly relating to the baby. Happy thoughts.