I am officially back at work. It was both harder and easier than I thought it would be. Easier in that despite the fact that I was thrown right into a ton of work, it's all about moving forward and not playing catch up. And I was CLEARLY missed. But leaving my baby behind is terrible. I know she will be safe and well taken care of, but it kills me to not be there with her. This morning I barely had any time to nurse her, to play with her, to cuddle with her. I basically fed her as quickly as I could, got her dressed, and left. I hated every second of it, and I'm hoping I can hold back the tears that threaten to flow every time someone asks if it was hard leaving her this morning.
I technically started yesterday but thanks to 6+ inches of snow, I telecommuted. It still sucked, since I couldn't give Nora my undivided attention. As I cried to my husband last night, he assured me we would scale back our budget so I can eventually go part time. And as luck woulld have it (or not), it turns out that some opportunities have come up in my department while I was out. Which, yes, is terrible. How can I turn down the chance to make more money down the road and will put me a in a better position to become a consultant, but how can I commit to killing myself to learn more when I am already sad about being away from Nora? I wanted to come back to work at 50%, not 100% plus.
First world problems, right?
Oh well, this is the season to be thankful and I am going to try really hard to be just that. I am thankful that I have a loving and dedicated husband, a healthy and happy little girl, and a caring and supportive group of family and friends. I have to trust that the rest will in place with a little bit of hard work and faith in myself.