Monday, September 10, 2012

I have to miss Nora's 1 year check up today. It sucks. I'm sure everyone will reassure me that it's not a big deal, but it really does bother me. Just too much going on at work for me to leave, when I already have Fridays off and only work 35 hours a week. I normally schedule her doctor appointments for Fridays, but the doctor had to reschedule with us last week and since I will be starting clinicals every Friday, it just didn't make sense to hold off until I could go. Small price to pay for a paycheck and health insurance I guess, but still.

I'm starting to really feel spread thin, but what can I do about it? Work, school, daughter, husband, family obligations, socializing, cleaning, cooking, trying to occasionally have a moment for myself... Part of me is trying to just get through this time, but then I realize that this month is the only month my daughter will be 12 months old, so do I really want to rush through it all on autopilot? I just don't know how to balance everything. I know I'm not alone, but that doesn't make me feel any better. And of course Rob and I need to be active to feel happy, so we still take vacations and expeditions and outings, because without that we'd go crazy. But it's hard to relax and enjoy myself when I know housework and homework wait for me... Oh well, all I can do is keep trying. Not to mention that everyday Nora seems more and more clingy to me (which I appreciate, I really do, but that makes it hard to do a lot of things and then I have additional guilt - guilty that housework/homework isn't getting down, guilty that I'm not fully present for my daughter's affection because I'm thinking about other things, guilty for not knowing how to handle it...). It's that endless mommy guilt cycle.

In other news, this is happening:

Climbing on EVERYTHING... btw, Rob was right next to her as she did this, just out of the camera shot. Half hilarious, half terrifying. She's also learned how to buckle the top portion of her car seat. So... wish us luck on baby-proofing endeavors.


Carly Anne said...

I didn't realize you were in school... What are you studying?

I total feel for your mom guilt by the way - I know I will be just the same.

Nicole said...

I'm taking an Intro to Ed class, just to see if teaching is something I want to pursue. That's one of my top three "what ifs," the other two being nutrition and something creative, like photography.

Kyle said...

Not that there's ever an easy solution to things like this, but get rid of some of your responsibility (ie. all of the housework ::hint,hint::) and start doing more of what you love. I think that'll help a lot with the guilt. Also, you'll find a way to make it work. You always do. :)